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| Columbine Impromptu Memorial Clement Park PennLive.com Screen Capture YouTube Video The Columbine High School shooting, April 20, 1999 |
ICHH formed not too long after the massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, CT. Its primary focus was on promoting school safety.
Unfortunately the site is no longer active.
Because it is no longer active, I thought it might be ok to amend, update, and reboot a newer version of my interviews in that series. This post is the first. The other three interviews will follow at later dates.
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ICHH: Your daughter, Anne Marie, was shot and severely injured at Columbine April 20, 1999 and your son, Nathan, was in a science room for four hours that day but was physically unharmed. How are you and your family doing these many years later?
Ted Zocco-Hochhalter: Actually, there are more members of my family than Anne Marie, Nathan, and me. There's Katherine, Shawn, Jessi, and Bobby, as well. I'll be talking about each of them later in this blog post.
To be brutally honest, I really don't know how Anne Marie is doing today.
Tragedies tend to either bind families together or they break families apart.
Anne Marie's relationship with me and mine with her had been strained for quite some time. It came to a head in December 2009 at which time she chose to part ways with my side of her family. I won't go into the causative details here simply because it would serve no constructive or positive purpose.
As far as how I'm doing now is concerned, I'd have to say I'm still healing as we all are. The scars from Columbine and its aftermath are still there, and they always will be. For what I consider to be obvious reasons the scars from the failed father/daughter relationship between Anne Marie and me are more difficult to bear in some ways than the ones from Columbine.
The people closest to me help me stay grounded. Their efforts to do so during the episode with Anne Marie were sorely tested, though.
The conflict with Anne Marie drove me into a depression so deep that for awhile I contemplated ending my own life. I'm especially grateful to Katherine for pulling me out of my funk. There are others, as well, but Katherine, more than anyone else, helped save me from myself. They all deserve better from me, and I intend to be better for them by never again putting them through what I did in this very turbulent time in our lives.
That being said, I've also come to accept that Anne Marie wants nothing to do with me or her immediate family. That required me to let go and move forward with my own life. It wasn't until I was able to accept that fact that I realized how much the rest of my family meant to me, and, thankfully, how much I meant to them. They all stood by me. They all supported me. They all urged me to move forward with my life. I finally heard them through my fog, and I'm forever grateful to all of them.
As has already been previously stated we are a Columbine family. That includes Katherine and her two children, Shawn and Jessi (my two step-children), and Bobby her (and now my) youngest.
Both Shawn and Jessi also attended Columbine for brief periods, Shawn prior to and Jessi following the tragedy there. Nathan was there April 20. Bobby was only three years old when Columbine happened.
We watched Nathan struggle following his experience with this tragedy.
He was offered therapy and refused it. His therapy was his friends. They supported him, he relied on them as they did on him.
He struggled with direction, and I was less than effective in giving it to him. My primary focus was on being a caregiver for Anne Marie right, wrong, or indifferent.
He struggled with school. He wound up having to do remedial course work during the summer in order to graduate with his classmates.
He worked but went from part-time job to part-time job.
He was rarely home. When he was home most of his time was spent in his room or with friends he invited to the house. There was little family interaction.
After graduating from high school (his class was the last class of those who were there on April 20), he had trouble deciding what he wanted to do. So Katherine and I gave him three choices:
He might not be willing to admit it or to agree with me, but I believe that decision was the best one he could have possibly made. His service in the military did more to help him work through some of his issues than any of us could have.
He came into his own. He's come a long way, and we're very proud of him.
Shawn was a Freshman at Columbine in the school year 1998-99.
After graduating from high school (his class was the last class of those who were there on April 20), he had trouble deciding what he wanted to do. So Katherine and I gave him three choices:
He could seek full-time employment and live at home or move out. That meant he'd have to pay rent either to a landlord or to us.
He could enroll in college, and we would support him however we could.
He could enlist in the military.Nathan chose to enlist in the U.S. Navy.
He might not be willing to admit it or to agree with me, but I believe that decision was the best one he could have possibly made. His service in the military did more to help him work through some of his issues than any of us could have.
He came into his own. He's come a long way, and we're very proud of him.
Shawn was a Freshman at Columbine in the school year 1998-99.
In November, 1998, Katherine, for reasons even she can't fully explain, felt compelled to move her family (she was a single Mom of three at that time) to Bailey, CO, a small rural very close-knit community southwest of the metro Denver area.
If she hadn't moved her family to Bailey, Shawn would also have been at Columbine on April 20. He was close with some of the kids who were outside the school that day and who came under fire. Chances are pretty good if they hadn't moved, Shawn would have been with those kids that day.
He doesn't talk much about it, but he's doing well, and we're very proud of him, too.
Jessi attended Columbine after the tragedy.
Jessi attended Columbine after the tragedy.
She'd gone to live with her Father for awhile, and enrolled at Columbine for a short duration.
To hear her tell it, her experience was kind of a mixed bag. She knew some of the kids, but she talked about how the atmosphere hadn't really changed all that much as a result of the tragedy.
Prior to Jessi's enrollment at Columbine, and only a couple of months after the massacre, there was a double homicide of two kids in a local Subway sandwich shop nearby Columbine High School that, to this day, remains unsolved.
This tragedy rocked the community of Littleton. Much of the progress, the healing that had taken place was sorely tested.
I mention this because the young woman who was murdered in this tragedy was a neighbor and friend of Jessi's. Understandably, this tragedy had a lasting effect on Jessi...another example of a true 'ripple effect'.
She's had her ups and downs, but has landed with both feet firmly planted. Proud of her? Very much so.
And then there's Bobby, our youngest. Prior to Katherine and me getting married, I took Bobby to a McDonald's one day for a happy meal. Watching him at play in the playground I became very sad, very introspective. He was only 5 years old at the time.
As I watched him interact with the other children, I had feelings wash over me I hadn't felt in a very long time. Feelings of hope for his future, feelings of insecurity as to how the two of us would grow together as he matured into a young man.
I guess these feelings could be considered normal under most other circumstances. I'd had them with both Anne Marie and Nathan when they were his age, too. But because of what happened at Columbine, they were intensified.
My confidence in my own ability to do these things for Bobby had been shaken to the core.
Questions began to plague me:
And then there's Bobby, our youngest. Prior to Katherine and me getting married, I took Bobby to a McDonald's one day for a happy meal. Watching him at play in the playground I became very sad, very introspective. He was only 5 years old at the time.
As I watched him interact with the other children, I had feelings wash over me I hadn't felt in a very long time. Feelings of hope for his future, feelings of insecurity as to how the two of us would grow together as he matured into a young man.
I guess these feelings could be considered normal under most other circumstances. I'd had them with both Anne Marie and Nathan when they were his age, too. But because of what happened at Columbine, they were intensified.
My confidence in my own ability to do these things for Bobby had been shaken to the core.
Questions began to plague me:
Would it be fair to put him into a situation like this - a family with so many issues to work through, so many dysfunctions for him to be exposed to?
Would he forever be living under the shadow of Columbine simply by his association with me? That's not what I wanted for him, but it was a distinct possibility.That's when I began to realize how much innocence had been lost as a direct result of the tragedy at Columbine, not only for Bobby, but for all those other young children he was playing with, too. Every one of those children had parents who were affected in some way by that tragedy. Would it change the way they raised their own kids?
I also knew, in my heart that this event, while tragic, was also helping me be more aware of how much harder I needed to work at building and nurturing relationships with those whom I loved. Even though innocence had been lost, I realized it didn't mean it was gone.
Over the years, I've watched Bobby grow into a young man...a young man I am very proud of. I know we've had our ups and downs, ins and outs, overs, unders, arounds, and throughs, but I'm so proud that he calls me `Dad', and I'm so proud to be able to call him `Son' because he did me the honor of allowing me to adopt him on Valentine's Day, 2005.
Bobby is now in the fourth year of a six year enlistment in the U.S. Air Force.
I know he's seen me at my worst, as have Nathan, Shawn, and Jessi. Hopefully they've also seen me at my best and will remember those times, too.
We are also a Platte Canyon family.
For those who may not know, September 27, 2006 Emily Keyes was held hostage along with six other female students at Platte Canyon High School in Bailey, CO. Emily was murdered by the hostage taker: Teenage hostage fatally shot after authorities stormed Platte Canyon High School.
Since that time, Emily's family became active in pushing for school safety by founding the I Love U Guys Foundation.
I bring this up because Shawn and Jessi both graduated from Platte Canyon High School prior to the tragedy there.
Bobby was home shooled from that point forward.
Why, you ask? Think about it.
What are the odds that 4 out of 5 of your children might be directly affected by not one, but two tragedies like this? That doesn't mean we hid Bobby from anything. On the contrary. Thank goodness for his older siblings, though, because they pretty much brought the hammer down whenever they felt he was going south on anything.
When we made the decision to pull him from the public elementary school he was attending at the time of the tragedy at Platte Canyon he was really upset with us. Over time we gave him the option of returning to public high school and he chose to stay home schooled instead.
And then there is Katherine.
Following the massacre, Katherine went into the Columbine community solo to try to help where she could and where she was invited. Her professional experience and expertise in neuromuscular re-education for spinal cord and brain injuries as well as trauma and emotional release work helped many in their healing process, both physically and emotionally.
It was through another Columbine family that Katherine came into our lives, and I'm so very grateful she did. Katherine gave more of herself to our family than anyone else and often times at the expense of her own time spent with her own children. So much of what she did went above and beyond anything anyone could have, or should have, expected. That she ultimately chose to love me and to marry me is something I treasure beyond words, and I always will.
It's taken me a very long time but I finally came to the realization that I also have something to offer in this life - my professional emergency management expertise, my life experiences, and my willingness albeit reluctant to come out of my own very dense fog to help advocate for safer schools.
I mentioned earlier that Nathan struggled following Columbine. All too often the siblings and extended family of mass shooting victims are overlooked, ignored, and kind of pushed into the background in tragedies like these. So are survivors who were there but not injured. So are their families. That, to me, is a tragedy in its own right. Their stories also need to be told.
Everyone is affected. That's one of the reasons why the slogan "We are all Columbine" came into widespread use following that tragedy. It is now up to all of us to recognize and accept that fact, and to do everything we possibly can to be careful not to exclude anyone from our conversations on these issues.
Right now I'm focused on trying to help others by sharing my story, my experiences, and my professional expertise in school safety however I can whether it's in my blog or in other social/public media. I also invite others to participate and to share their own stories of survival and healing as guest bloggers.
These are my ways of trying to give back. It's an ongoing process. It isn't always easy. But then, nothing in life ever is.
I believe people generally hold out hope for happy endings. Unfortunately with incidents like Columbine, happy endings aren't possible. Reality intercedes and struggles continue...emotional and sometimes physical struggles. That's simply a statement of fact.
It's taken me a very long time but I finally came to the realization that I also have something to offer in this life - my professional emergency management expertise, my life experiences, and my willingness albeit reluctant to come out of my own very dense fog to help advocate for safer schools.
I mentioned earlier that Nathan struggled following Columbine. All too often the siblings and extended family of mass shooting victims are overlooked, ignored, and kind of pushed into the background in tragedies like these. So are survivors who were there but not injured. So are their families. That, to me, is a tragedy in its own right. Their stories also need to be told.
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| We Are ALL Columbine! |
Right now I'm focused on trying to help others by sharing my story, my experiences, and my professional expertise in school safety however I can whether it's in my blog or in other social/public media. I also invite others to participate and to share their own stories of survival and healing as guest bloggers.
These are my ways of trying to give back. It's an ongoing process. It isn't always easy. But then, nothing in life ever is.
I believe people generally hold out hope for happy endings. Unfortunately with incidents like Columbine, happy endings aren't possible. Reality intercedes and struggles continue...emotional and sometimes physical struggles. That's simply a statement of fact.
I'm not saying things don't get better or that people can't be happy once again, but those emotional and physical struggles never go away or vanish whether people choose to acknowledge that fact or not.
That is just a sad reality.
It's what we choose to do with those never ending struggles that ultimately define each and every one of us.
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