People Have Stories to Tell - Faye Rockswold

Faye Rockswold is the oldest of my two younger sisters.

These are some of her memories of the days, weeks, and months following the Columbine massacre.

A couple clarifications for those who read this essay:

• Faye mentions 'Jerry' throughout her memories. That would be me. My given name is 'Jerrold', and my family has always known me as 'Jerry'.
• Faye also mentions Rocky, Jill, and Brent. Rocky is Faye's husband, Jill is her daughter, and Brent is her son.
• Finally, she also mentions Belva. Belva is our youngest sister. Her essay will soon follow this one.

Faye Rockswold

Faye....in her own words:

I remember it was a Tuesday.  I had taken emergency leave to attend the funeral of my Aunt Tina in New Leipzig.  It’s about a 4 hour drive and the funeral was at 1:00 Mountain time.  Rocky and I talked as we drove and didn’t have the radio on.   It was a very nice funeral service and I remember spending a little extra time out at the cemetery visiting with some relatives.  When we got back to the church, the ladies had lunch ready.  I sat down and had just taken one bite of my jello when Ed Hochhalter came up and said there was someone by the door who wanted to speak to me.  I remember thinking it was a little odd and wondered who would stay out by the door and not come on in.  I was REALLY puzzled when I saw the person who wanted to talk to me was Carrie Roth.  She handed me a piece of paper with Mom and Dad’s phone number on it and said Mom had called her (because there is not a phone at the church) and asked her to tell me there was an emergency and I should call back immediately.  My first thought was that something had happened to Dad.  We walked to Carrie’s house, which was only about a block away.  I was in no hurry to get there because I knew it could be nothing but bad news.

When I finally got Mom on the phone, she asked if I had been watching the news.  Now I was really puzzled.  At this point, Carrie turned on her TV and I saw people and cars running around a building.  I had no idea what was going on.  Then, Mom just blurted out, “Anne Marie’s been shot!”  It felt like someone had hit me in the gut.  I don’t remember much of the rest of the conversation.  I was barely able to tell Carrie that my brother Jerry’s daughter had been shot.  She immediately went back to the church to get Rocky and we left for home.

The drive home normally takes about 4 hours.  It seemed like an eternity.  We had the radio on the whole way, but there were only very spotty reports.  By this time, I knew our kids were home and decided to call them and tell them what we knew.  They knew there had been shootings at Columbine High School and were concerned about their cousins Anne Marie and Nathan.  As Jill said, some of her classmates kept telling her, “It’s a big school.  What are the chances they’d be involved?”  Never say never.

Once we got home, the phone calls started.  I think we were on the phone either with Belva or Jerry for at least 2 or 3 hours.  At this time, Anne Marie was in critical condition and there was no way to know if she’d survive.  I remember waking up almost every hour that night, looking at the clock and thinking, “OK.  It’s 2 o’clock (then 3 o’clock, then 4 o’clock, etc.) No phone call.  That’s good.”  We all decided to go to work and school the next day because we really didn’t know what else to do.  THAT was a very long day! 

That night, Belva told me she had heard that United Airlines was setting up flights for immediate family members and gave me a number to call.  The first time I called, the lady I talked to told me “immediate family” included aunts and uncles, but not cousins.  I hung up and after talking it over we all decided Rocky and I should go.  Jill and Brent had Grandma Florence, Rocky's Mom, here, so they’d be fine staying home.  When I called back I got a different person.  She asked if I had called just a few minutes earlier and was very relieved when I told her yes.  The previous person who had told me aunts and uncles only was crying because she had given me the wrong information.  Those poor people had had this dropped in their laps on very short notice and with very little direction.  Lots of people were very stressed.

A friend offered to drive us to Jamestown and the 4 of us took off from Jamestown airport the next morning.  There was a cab waiting for us at DIA and we were dropped off at Swedish Hospital.  We were directed to a small room where a man was on the phone.  I heard him talking about surgery and vertebrae.  Later, I found out he was Richard Castaldo’s father.

Those days at the hospital are somewhat of a blur.  I remember sleeping on chairs in the waiting room, and later on cushions on the floor of the conference room they let our family camp out in.  Family members took turns sleeping at the hospital to make sure there was always someone there in case Anne Marie needed us.  There was a constant stream of friends and well wishers as well as several celebrities.  It’s funny how I always wondered how I’d react if I actually met someone with ‘celebrity’ status.  In some ways, I think some of them were more uncomfortable and at a loss for words than we were.  They all came across as very vulnerable and caring people.  I remember two football players in particular.  One was Dan Schlereth (spelling?), Mark (can’t remember his last name) and the chaplain from the Denver Broncos football team.  They came several times hoping to see Anne Marie and offer her words of encouragement and faith.  Dan left a bible for her personalized with some bible verses and a testimony of faith he wrote on the inside of the front cover.  I was very impressed with their genuine compassion and hope they eventually were allowed in to see her.  During the time I was there, visitors in her room were very limited by the hospital staff.

The doctors and nurses were wonderful.  They were very patient with all the harried relatives running around their critical care unit.  I don’t remember ever having to wait to have a question answered or a concern addressed.  I never heard any of them get cranky or impatient when we were in their way or looking over their shoulders.

It sounds a little strange to say that an experience like this renewed my faith in people as a whole, but that’s what happened.  It started with all the friends and family who called us at home – before we left for Littleton and after we returned – offering us words of encouragement and prayers, as well as offers to take care of our dogs, cats and horses while we were gone.  It continued with the offer of flights to Denver by United Airlines and their efforts to bend over backwards for us.  When it was time for us to return home, we got to DIA and found very long lines at the ticket counters.  We must have looked a bit lost because a woman who was obviously a United employee asked if she could help us.  We explained our situation and were immediately taken to a counter normally used for freight check-in.  We were checked in and on our way to our gate in under 5 minutes.  The caring and compassion continued after we got home as we were given phone cards so we could keep in touch without having to rack up horrendous telephone bills.  We used every single minute on the cards and I spent hours on the phone for many weeks afterwards, with my brother Jerry and sister Belva.   

In Denver, I was impressed with the compassion shown by the media.  To be honest, I was expecting to see cameras and reporters at every door to the hospital.  However, they respected our privacy and left us alone.  It was very much appreciated.

At the hospital, we never went hungry.  Several churches and other organizations brought at least one meal a day for the Columbine families who had children there.  I believe that at the beginning, there were at least 45 people for each meal.  The food was tremendous!  We also had to be careful what we talked about because things we mentioned would just show up.  The water in the hospital wasn’t the greatest and after several of us were talking about it one day, several cases of bottled water showed up in the conference room where we were staying.  Another time, one of us mentioned it would be nice to have disposable cameras to take pictures of all the people who came to visit.  Shortly after that, several cameras were left on a table.

It seemed as if people couldn’t do enough to help.  Jerry and Carla’s neighbor told us to bring all the laundry over to their house.  They washed, dried and folded everything we brought.  One night, there were 2 jars of chicken soup left by the back door of Jerry and Carla’s house.  At the hospital, there were thousands of cards, letters and emails.  It was really amazing.  I think everyone was hurting.  The whole experience was mind boggling.  This kind of stuff happens to ‘other people’.  I never thought I’d be one of those ‘other people’.

Just 6 months after the shootings at Columbine High School, the suicide of Anne Marie’s mother, my sister-in-law Carla, added another layer of shock and pain to an already unbelievable experience.  Once again, the caring and compassionate side of people from all walks of life shone through.  There’s no way to adequately express how much we appreciate all that was done for us.

People still ask me how my “niece who was injured at Columbine” and my brother are doing.  That’s one of the advantages of living in a rural community.  Everyone knows everyone else.  People haven’t forgotten.  The Columbine experience left a very deep impression on many people and in my opinion, brought out the best in most.

The end of 1999 was very stressful for many people.  The Millennium was looming and many were expecting disaster.  I wrote the following letter to the editor and put it in several papers in our area.  I can only hope that it helped calm the fears of a few people and helped them see the good around them.

Letter to the editor:

Many people (the Media included) think our country is going down the tubes.  People are arming themselves for the purpose of self defense, teenagers are running wild in the streets, and someone hoping to commit a crime is lurking around every corner.  This may be a slight exaggeration, but it’s pretty close to what’s being portrayed in the Media today.  I and my entire family have found out from firsthand experience that this picture is very distorted.  In fact, it’s just not true.

There is evil out there.  This was proven on April 20 when those two boys walked into Columbine High School and started shooting.  One of the victims was our niece, Anne Marie.  However, ever since that day, we have seen that the good FAR outweighs the evil.  It’s been proven through the efforts (which are continuing today) of the people in Littleton to do whatever they can to help my brother and his family, and the families of the other victims.  We have been overwhelmed by the outpouring of caring and love from the people of the Denver area, our area right here, and the entire nation.  It’s actually been a very humbling experience.

I can’t begin to tell about all the wonderful things people have done, and continue to do.  In this area, many people have asked what they can do to help and have offered to continue to pray for our family.  There’s hardly a day goes by that someone doesn’t ask me how my brother’s family is doing and offer to continue to pray for them.  That helps more than you will ever know.  I truly believe that the progress Anne Marie is making is due in large part to the many prayers that are being offered in her behalf.  We can never thank you enough.  She is regaining some sensation and each time I talk to her or my brother, they are excited about some other kind of movement.  The latest is that she is able to move her ankles and has some activity in her hamstring muscles.

The many cards and expressions of sympathy and concern following the suicide of my sister-in-law were also very much appreciated.  It has been a very difficult time for our family, and again, the caring thoughts and prayers from everyone have been a great help.

While many people face January 1, 2000 with trepidation, this whole experience has served to help me look forward to the new millennium with a renewed faith in the basic goodness of people.  Thank you, and God bless you all!

Faye Rockswold

I'll end this post with a special thank you to Faye Rockswold. Faye's love and support and her family's love and support throughout our healing journey following the Columbine massacre will never be forgotten.

Hopefully you'll consider contributing more essays and insights in the future.

Love you and yours more than you'll ever know.

* Comments on this blog are moderated.